Discipline or Disconnection? "Just Work Harder Bro..."

Discipline or Disconnection?

Rethinking 'Willpower' in Women’s Health

We've all heard it.

“You just need more discipline.”
“If you wanted it enough, you’d stick to it.”
“Willpower is the key to success.”

But here’s the truth:
For women, especially those navigating hormonal shifts, trauma, neurodivergence or burnout — discipline without understanding often leads to disconnection.

Disconnection from your body.
Disconnection from your needs.
Disconnection from the why behind the patterns you're trying to change.

What if it's not about more willpower — but more safety?

The fitness and diet industries glorify self-denial.
But many women are not lazy or unmotivated.
They’re depleted. Overloaded. Dysregulated. Operating in survival mode.

And when the nervous system is stuck in fight, flight or freeze —
planning meals, going to the gym, even getting enough sleep can feel impossible.

Not because you don’t care.
But because your biology is prioritising safety, not strategy.

So the question isn’t “Why can’t I stick to it?”
It’s “What would make this feel safe, nourishing, sustainable?”

The problem with white-knuckling it

When health goals are approached from punishment, perfectionism or fear of failure, they create short-term compliance but long-term rebellion.

Your body is not a machine.
You are not a project to fix.
And “pushing through” often disconnects you from the very signals you need to heal.

This looks like:

• Ignoring hunger cues because you “shouldn’t be hungry”

• Training hard despite exhaustion

• Cutting calories when your body is asking for nourishment

• Measuring worth through steps, macros, or the scale

These aren’t signs of discipline.
They’re signs of disconnection.

So what does true discipline look like?

It’s knowing when to rest.
When to eat more.
When to say no.
And when to ask for help.

It’s consistency without cruelty.
It’s honouring your goals while respecting your nervous system.
It’s a willingness to adapt instead of abandon.

True discipline isn’t just doing the hard thing.
It’s choosing the right hard thing — for this season of your life.

A new definition of success

What if success wasn’t “sticking to the plan” no matter what?

What if it was:

• Coming back to your body after a setback

• Eating with awareness, not anxiety

• Lifting for joy, not punishment

• Resting without guilt

• Building systems that flex with your cycle, energy and emotions

Because the strongest women I know are not the most rigid.
They’re the most attuned.

The takeaway

If you’re stuck in the cycle of “starting over” —
maybe it’s not a discipline problem.

Maybe it’s a disconnection problem.

And the solution isn't more willpower.
It’s more self-trust.

That’s the work.
That’s the healing.
That’s what changes everything.

Kindness always,
Didi