The Illusion of control: How the need for it is causing more harm than good

The Illusion of Control: Why We Try to Control Food When Life Feels Out of Control

Have you ever found yourself obsessing over your food choices, calorie counting, or crafting the “perfect” meal plan—only to realise it’s not really about the food at all?

That’s the illusion of control at play.

In psychology, the illusion of control is the tendency to overestimate our influence over external events. It’s the belief that if we just do things right—eat the perfect diet, follow the perfect routine—we can avoid discomfort, uncertainty, or pain. But here’s the truth: control is a psychological safety blanket, not a solution.

Control as a Response to Threat

This illusion often surfaces in times of stress, transition, or uncertainty. When life feels overwhelming or unpredictable, the brain seeks stability. And for many women, that stability is sought through food.

We can’t control our relationships, hormones, career shifts, fertility journeys, or the curveballs life throws at us—but we can control what we eat, right?

Sort of.

This perceived control is a response to threat. When the brain senses danger—emotional, physical, or psychological—it activates protective mechanisms. Hyper-controlling behaviours around food, exercise, or body image can feel soothing because they offer a false sense of order. But they’re rarely about nourishment—they're about numbing, distracting, or coping.

Why the Illusion Doesn’t Work

From a psychological perspective, trying to control food is often a surface-level strategy masking a deeper need: the need for safety, certainty, or self-worth. The more we try to control our food, the more rigid, anxious, and disconnected we can become—not just from our bodies, but from our lives.

Control promises relief, but delivers restriction. It promises safety, but fosters fear. It promises certainty, but keeps us stuck in cycles of guilt, shame, and burnout.

What’s the Alternative?

Letting go of control doesn’t mean chaos—it means choosing trust over fear. In nutrition, this might look like:

• Practising flexibility, not rigidity

• Listening to your body, not external rules

• Honouring hunger and fullness, not obsessing over numbers

• Understanding the emotional drivers behind your food choices

True nourishment starts when we stop seeing food as something to dominate or restrict, and start seeing it as something to support and connect with.

Reframing the Narrative

The goal isn't perfect control—it's embodied agency. That means supporting your health with evidence-based tools, without turning food into a battleground.

Ask yourself:

• Am I eating this way because it supports me, or because I’m afraid not to?

• Is this habit rooted in care or in control?

• What would it look like to trust my body, even a little more?

Final Thoughts

In a world that tells us to hustle, fix, and perfect ourselves—especially when it comes to our bodies—choosing to step away from control is a radical act of self-leadership.

Food doesn’t need to be perfect to be powerful. You don’t need to control everything to be well. And healing begins the moment you choose trust over fear.

Love Always Didi x 

P.S if you want to be part of my next "Emotional Eating Mastermind" Just email [email protected] and I will send you details of the next intake.