Didi (00:01.56)
Welcome back to another episode of the DCA podcast. Today's podcast episode is an all things rest. Rest is not wasted time. It is in fact, contrary to popular opinion, actually the missing ingredient to your goals. So let me go through this further and dissect it because time and time again, I am on consult calls with my clients all week, right? Hearing the type A overachieving, people pleasing.
doing everything for everyone but themselves type of girlies. That's my clientele. That's my niche, right? That is unfortunately the situation where 99 % of the women that I coach are very driven, very passionate, very enthusiastic. They have high expectations of themselves, but they don't know how to rest. And on these calls, I'm discussing cortisol, stress, inflammation, nervous system dysregulation, and they're like, Dee Dee,
How do I regulate my nervous system? Let me answer that because it's basically part of this podcast. So two birds, one stone, rest is not wasted time and also how to regulate your nervous system. Let me teach you two things. So if you've ever felt guilty for resting, like you should always be doing more, hustling harder, ticking off the endless to-do list that I know you either have in your apps, either on your notes or written in a journal.
If you find it so hard to get through all of that by the end of the day, this podcast episode is for you. So what am I going to unpack? Why rest is not just important, but essential and how viewing rest as lazy or unproductive keeps you stuck. I don't have enough time in the world to even subconsciously unveil the truth to you that your belief that laziness is equated to rest. How you probably grew up in childhood, adolescence, school.
academia, whatever your kind of experience of the world was, has taught you that you cannot rest. That somewhere, somehow, someone has taught you that it equals laziness. That you are lazy if you rest. I'm going to go through how viewing rest as lazy is so unproductive. How actually the goals a lot of my clients come to me with, it's just keeping them stuck, this whole grind harder mentality. And I'm going to teach you practical ways to build the rest.
Didi (02:25.034)
into your daily routine and your life without the guilt, without the shame. It doesn't need to be there. So grab a cup of tea, settle in, let's challenge this belief that you have to be air quotes, right, on all the time. And this is something I taught from personal experience. I am a recovering people pleasing, trying to do everything all the time. Even today, I struggle a lot with getting through the mental schedule in my head because I feel like I need to constantly be achieving.
that if I'm not achieving, then I'm lacking, that I'm not worthy enough, that I'm not doing myself justice. It's this extraordinary high expectation of myself, right? ADHD or what? That's another podcast episode. So the cultural lie about rest, okay? We live in a culture that idealizes productivity. All you're seeing on social media is the Aston hauls that are setting their alarms for 3 a.m. They are the team no days off. They are the David Goggins.
It's somewhat extreme. It's attractive. It's alluring from a social media perspective, right? We kind of, it stops us in our tracks because it's not a common thing. Half of the world is not setting their allowance for 3 a.m. to be super productive because apparently that's a standard people should have for themselves. And there is a lot of guilt and shame around the people talking about that by us not and trying to adopt you into that mentality, which is a-
obviously going to speak to people like myself many years ago who were in that world of yes, do more, be more, gotta earn more, gotta do this, this, this, this, let me add in, right? This episode is about you taking out. It's about slowness. It's about compassion. So the hustle harder, the sleep when you're dead, the no days off mentality is just crippling, right? It's crippling for your mental health and most likely your physical health. All it's gonna lead to is burnout. Let's face it, all of us have got about three days in the tank worth of.
you know, we'll rest when we're dead mentality. Many of us have a lot of things that require our attention. Most of us have responsibilities and accountability in life that we can't shy away from that require our time and our presence and our efforts. And then to add in maybe our own journey of self-development, goals, gym, planning food, whatever, it feels overwhelming because there isn't space for it. So what I do with lot of my clients is I teach them to find space.
Didi (04:50.798)
I listen to them about their daily lives, the expectations they have of themselves, and I go, well, you can't do this. You're at max capacity.
So how do we actually stop this mentality, right? How do we get you back into your body and out of your mind? So these aren't just slogans, they shape how we see ourselves, right? The hustle harder, they become adopted beliefs inside for you. And we internalize the belief that our worth is tied to what we produce, what we earn or achieve. And rest becomes the enemy.
It's seen as the avoidance. It's something to not achieve. It's something to not sit within. It becomes the bad, becomes negative. It's an indulgence. It's a sign you're just not committed enough. It's evidence. It's proof. It's receipts of your lack of, you know, motivation, whatever. But let's question that. Is a constant grind actually helping you? Because let's face it, if it was, you probably wouldn't be listening to this episode. It wouldn't have sparked your interest.
You'd be listening to David Goggins instead, or maybe you're just trying to absorb both worlds and see what fits for you. Okay. Is the grind actually helping you or is it making you tired? Are you irritable, less creative and more likely to give up? I am a level with 10 years of coaching experience who studies, specializes in psychology that I can sit with somebody and sense their energy. Right. I can.
understand their irritability. It's in their body language. Your behavior never lies. I can be with somebody for 60 seconds and understand that something's going on mentally, physically, emotionally, whatever. You can't hide it. So a lot of us try to go against that, but we're not actually mindful of the impact that has on people. Many of us have families, relationships, and we don't realize that subconsciously this anxiety, this time anxiety, this lack of rest, this always on switch is actually shaping other people's reality and perception of us also.
Didi (06:54.812)
So, are you tired, irritable? Have you created anything recently? And do you just always give up? Do you just always think, that's just me, that's always the way it goes? Start Monday mentality, right? But, the truth is, rest is not wasted time. It is the time your mind and body need to do their best work. I cannot tell you that when I am present in my body, not my mind, that is when I am most creative.
or that actually the thoughts that come into my mind, because there's space for them, are actually the most uncommon ones. They're the new tabs that I hadn't thought of. I couldn't have even gotten to them. They are creative ideas that I would not have achieved unless I'd given myself or afforded myself the rest. Now know we're battling the 1 % of the world who've achieved extraordinary things. We're listening to the Elon Musk's, the David Goggins, the...
I don't know, founders of these incredible world changing companies and their aspirational motivation and a lot of them have a very dichotomous or black and white way of thinking. is ruthless, savage, but it's not very relatable for you unless you are aspiring to be the next, I don't know, Elon Musk or the founder of Nike, right? Like, what are we trying to achieve?
And is it relatable to you? Rest isn't just sleep. So let me talk about why it actually does matter. It's down times, it's breaks, it's mental recovery. I don't think we've actually specialized, or specified, sorry, what rest is. If I told you, you rested recently? You're going to go, yeah, slept okay. That's not rest. There are different facets of rest, and I'll go through those in a minute. But when did you last pause?
When did you last sit in silence? When did you not have something stimulating you? Sleep and rest consolidate, improve memory, reduced cortisol and stress hormones, bearing in mind I work with women that have PCOS, which chronically is inflammation within the body as a main driver of their symptoms and hormonal balance, right? So this is why this all correlates.
Didi (09:21.554)
Athletes know they can't train hard every day without rest. Overtraining leads to injury. I still have this memory of listening to a podcast with Matt Fraser in his kind of peak of his performance saying that on a rest day, he doesn't leave the couch. He takes his rest day so seriously that physically just doesn't move. And I kind of thought, wow, that's very inspiring. And you should, as an athlete, you need to take it so seriously.
But the goggins in you will tell you not to because you can get more out of your performance, your training if you just keep pushing. But your body's gonna break. You know it better than anyone. You just don't want to admit it. And many of us try to over train, not just in the aspect of...
Didi (10:21.34)
Many of us try to overtrain at life. We try to take on too many things. But what happens is we burn out, we have anxiety, which lo and behold manifests into physical health issues. And then guess what? The goals that you had, you gave up on them because you're exhausted. And you don't allow space for reflection. You don't allow space for recovery and you therefore do not allow yourself space for joy. So stop overtraining.
not at sport, not in the gym, but at life. Rest is the foundation that allows consistent action, not the opposite. There is not one without the other. And rest is productive. Let me just rewire that as a strategy for you. Let's reframe it as in it's not doing nothing. It's actually doing something vital. It is recharging your mental and physical battery.
It is preventing burnout, boosting your creativity and improving the decisions you need to make in your day and your life. And you probably have some big ones, right? We're talking career, relationships, family, we're talking about goals that you have. You are going to be on the hamster wheel of making poor decisions if you do not give yourself the space to do that. But you just don't think it's productive. So therefore you still are on the hamster wheel. And studies show that people who take regular breaks are more productive overall.
So you might think you're being productive working 12 hour days or having a to-do list that is as long as your arm, running around like a blue-arsed hifi and actually getting nothing done. But if the last four hours are low quality or if any part of your brain is so overwhelmed that any form of engagement is just not your best work and you're distracted, error prone, are you even being productive at all? So rest improves the quality of your output and seeing rest as wasted.
Let's talk about that. Let's talk about the fact that people think that rest is wasted time. It is wasted potential. Many clients I work with see rest as that. They feel guilty taking a day off exercise. They feel lazy sitting with a book instead of doing something because we are human doings, not human beings. It is a chronic endemic in itself. They overfill their to-do lists. They never stop to breathe. And that just keeps them stuck. But guess what?
Didi (12:44.606)
Without the rest, you make poor decisions with food. Shocker. I know it doesn't take a PhD or neurochemist or scientist to present that to you. And guess what? You make poor decisions with food. You make poor decisions with your training. Then you're too tired to be consistent. Then you can't sustain any motivation, which don't even talk to me about motivation as a feeling, because it's a feeling and you're just waiting to feel a feeling, which is like waiting for the weather. You become reactive.
You become reactive instead of intentional. That is not a good space to be in. Rest is not the barrier to your goals. is often the fact that you don't rest being the barrier. The lack of it is the barrier.
And let's just talk, circle back to the types of rest. Rest isn't just sleep. Let's get over that right now. There are different types. Let me categorize them for you. Physical, okay, sure. Sleep, naps, kind of gentle movement. Mental rest, not being stimulated all the time, not having dopamine as you're driving forced. We're talking about the screens, the apps, the iPads, the world that is constantly screaming for your attention.
Breaks in your working day. Do you know how many clients still don't take breaks for their lunch? Do know how many clients still overextend themselves, working above and beyond, and wonder why they can't be consistent with nutrition and training because they don't prioritize that over their work? Emotional rest, saying no, setting boundaries, social rest, time alone, being at one with yourself in silence preferably, so you can actually understand
Be with yourself and the thoughts in your head. I know sometimes that's a pretty difficult thing to achieve. And spending it with people that fill your cup. We all know that if you struggle with neurodivergence or you have autistic tendencies, then you are gonna find that people socially either kind of drain you or they fill your cup.
Didi (14:52.884)
People that you have a social battery for, that you need a social battery for, and those that you don't. And that's not a judgment, that's not a negative thing, it's just your experience of the world and people and relationships, your sensitivity. So you just need to be conscious of that. You need to stop putting your head into others and perceiving judgment of that if you don't. I've got to have coffee with them, I've got to WhatsApp them, I've got to respond, I've got to be available. Stop constantly being available for other people. Creative rest. When was the last time you were in nature?
When was the last time you consumed art, music, ideas that inspire you? Things reminiscent of your childhood, right? Things that just fulfill you. They speak to your soul and your heart. And I want you to think which type do you need more of? Which are you lacking in? Because you do need them all. I used to think that I wasn't a very creative person because I just had no space for it. I was trying to do so much and achieve so much. Why was I wondering?
you know, I don't really have a creative outlet. Of course I do. But I made my creative outlet purely work, which is fine, but I needed to love that and I needed to have passion for that, which is why I do love podcasting. I love creating these episodes for you guys. Okay. Let me talk about practical tips to build guilt-freeness into your rewiring of the psychology of the belief that rest is unproductive and something that you should avoid. Schedule it.
Let me repeat that, schedule it like any other important task. Take five minute breaks every hour of focused work. I now, you're going to think I'm psycho for this, I don't really care. I carry a productivity timer with me. And I set that on wherever I am to be intentional about rest. It also forces me, if I go, I want to go and read in a bookshop and I've already opened my laptop, I'm deep in emails, I pull out that timer.
And I go, Didi, at least this is your buy-in, this is your criteria. need to read for 20 minutes when that timer goes off, you can decide to do something different. That's absolutely fine. But it's focused work. Wind down routine at night. I'm not going to say that I'm an angel here. I'm not coming at you from an angelic holier than now attitude of I have some perfect bedtime routine. I do school like the best of us, right? We're humans. Okay. I'm trying to be more intentional with that.
Didi (17:18.012)
I hope you guys are too. I hope you know what works for you, what doesn't, and that you are moving away from that. A few things that I can share that have helped is I have a light alarm clock. That does help. I can visually see the time without having to rely on my phone. I've stopped making excuses to have my phone charged by my bed. They were just excuses. There's not going to be an emergency. I am fine. And I've swapped 30 minutes of social media for more walks.
more time with my book, I carry my book around me and I have to remind myself mindfulness is a practice and it is a skill you cannot do it once a week and expect to become masterful at it it takes weeks upon 10 000 hours right let's let's talk about rest as in you need the hours right you need to put some skin in the game here you need to mentally show up every day rewiring the thoughts that you've had
Because let me guess, they've been there for probably decades at this point. I know mine were. You have to remind yourself, write it, listen to podcasts, manifest it, whatever kind of audio or visual reminders you need in your life, post it, whatever. Rest is productive. Affirmations. I apologize, that's what I was thinking of. I sometimes listen on Spotify to affirmations, playlists, whether it's money, whatever I'm trying to call into my life, not to be too woo-woo or barly about it, but...
It's an energy, it's a frequency. If you're trying to call something into your life, then you need to surround your space with it, your world with it. The question isn't, I afford to rest? The question is, can you afford not to? So I'm going to end this podcast here, but I'm going to leave you with a few reflections. What are you resisting? Why are you resisting and where are you resisting the rest? And what would happen if you chose to see rest as a part of your success as opposed to an obstacle?
And I hope if this podcast episode like resonates with you, you do share it. I guess I don't ask a lot of you guys in terms of these episodes, but if you wouldn't mind sharing on social media, tagging me in it. I'm fairly confident the only person that listened to these are like my mom. So if anybody is listening, please share it. I would love to hear your feedback. Whether this sits with you. I feel like 10 years of coaching has given me a pretty good insight into the lives, the thoughts, the mindset alongside CBT and my special areas in
Didi (19:42.524)
interest in that, to present to you the common themes which I'm seeing not only in myself but in the people that I work with, the incredible clients I work with. So I'm going to leave you with this last thought is that rest is not wasted time. It is in fact the ground in which you grow the roots of your goals. And if you don't plant those seeds, you're not going to be growing anything, at least growing anything that's sustainable and fruitful.
for your mental and physical health. Because yet again, I have to put health at the driving seat of this. And many of us choose to go against health because we don't see, we're willing to compromise it. We're willing to devalue ourselves to be unhealthy, body and mind to achieve something. That's again another whole psychology episode that I can present to you.
Okay, I'll leave one more tangent. I'm so sorry, but this train of thought just happened. I watched MrBeast, one of the most successful content creators on YouTube. I think if you've on, if you live in world, YouTube or subs of content, you'll know who MrBeast is. He is the single most successful person on YouTube and he is huge, astronomical. And he has been living, breathing, doing everything YouTube since he was, I don't know, 13 years old. And he's very young still.
I think his name is Jimmy and he's like, I don't know, maybe 25, 26 now. And I remember listening to him on Diary of a CEO with Stephen Bartlett and he said, is something he's willing to compromise. He knows that he's not healthy. The work effort, the ethic he has mentally, physically, he is choosing to go against his health for the pursuit of excellence to be astronomically successful. And...
That's gonna attract a lot of people, right? That mentality, because it's aspirational. Like, he's hugely famous, money beyond his wildest dreams. And at some point in his life, Steven asked him about, you know, family settling down. And he said that is something he's entertaining, but he doesn't ignore the fact that he would do anything to remain successful against his physical and mental health.
Didi (22:06.058)
And I just thought it was really interesting because you will see people willing to sacrifice that, we're not all Jimmy. We're not all Mr. Beasts, right? We're all not David Goggins. So let's just be intentional about who we're consuming and the content we're consuming. Okay, I'm going to love you and leave you for that episode. Thank you so much for listening to this guys. Bye.
