Didi (00:01.526)
Welcome back to another episode of the DCA podcast. Now this is something that I've wanted to record and touch upon because a lot of women come to me wanting to change their body composition, but also kind of struggling with this idea that they also are trying to find their feet with their body image. And this episode is about, we pursue one without sacrificing the other? Can we pursue our body composition goals without sacrificing how we feel about our body and the way that we view ourselves?
So this is a conversation that many of my clients struggle with quietly before they come to me for coaching. It's can I want fat loss or muscle gain without just reinforcing the belief that my body isn't good enough as it is. And if that tension kind of feels familiar for you or that narrative or that belief, then this episode is going to help you out. I hope. So somewhere along the way we're sold this story that you either love and accept your body as it is, or you want to change it, improve it, shrink it, sculpt it.
It's either one end of the spectrum. But what if both could coexist? And I think this black and white thinking just keeps women trapped. It's this glass ceiling effect. If you pursue physique goals, then you're vain or brainwashed. But if you accept your body, then you've given up. You've let go of yourself. And neither is true. So let's reframe this. Wanting to feel strong, energized, or physically lighter doesn't mean that you hate your body.
When those goals are rooted in shame, punishment or fear, and they're coming from ego and the three containers of it, that is where the fractured relationship starts to come. So let's talk about body composition is just data. They're just words. Body composition is a neutral metric. It's fat mass, lean mass, water, bone. And body image, now that's meaning. That's emotion and that's a story you tell yourself. That is what you think about your body.
How do you view your body? And the problem isn't the goal itself, it is what you make that goal mean. So do you think you're only going to be worthy when you hit a certain body fat percentage? Or that you're going to finally be desirable when you've got that thigh gap? Or you're going to like yourself more if you weigh five kgs less? Now, I don't think it takes a neuroscientist with a PhD to tell you that that's just conditional acceptance. I can only like myself X, Y, Z.
Didi (02:24.226)
Now that's just a recipe for disaster. And when they are the drivers, even reaching your goal won't bring you peace. We've all been there, done that, got the t-shirt and just moved the goalposts even further. Because your brain is still wired for the criticism and not the compassion. It just never ends. And that is why we are in this internal cycle of trying to change our bodies, but never really change how we feel in them. We just think that the external
will somehow seep into the internal. And that's not the way it works. You've to work from the inside out. So let's talk about self-acceptance. It doesn't mean that you're passive, that you've stopped growing, that you no longer have goals or desires, that you're fighting a war with your reflection. I always tell clients that your body is not a problem to be solved. You're not broken. You're not something to fix.
Didi (03:24.674)
and you can accept the body you're in and still decide to nourish it better, to move it more, or pursue new levels of strength and health. But the question is, what is the tone of voice driving that? Are you driven by fear or by care? Is this coming from a place of compassion or from a place of unworthiness and not enough need to be more? Because there's a massive difference.
And there's a massive difference between eating protein because you hate how little muscle you have. You hate your softness, right? Or eating protein because you want to preserve muscle and you want to feel strong in perimenopause or a chapter of your life. Same action, different psychological wiring, monologue and impact. So how do you pursue a composition goal without compromising your image or your mental health? Name your why.
And are your values aligned? Is your goal rooted in insecurity? Or is it about vitality, strength and confidence? What is the tone of voice speaking to you? Set goals with flexibility, not rigidity. Nothing black and white is coming from a place of love or care. It's just rules. Progress doesn't have to be linear and your body may shift differently month to month. You are a woman with fluctuating hormones. I think you probably got enough data or knowledge in the bank to know that
One day we can feel great in our bodies and the next we can't. That is the ebb and flow of progesterone and estrogen and the impact it has on our bodies. And that's okay. And you can work on body image at the same time as you're for see goals, but you don't have to wait to like your body until it changes. The greatest success I have with clients is when they actually learn to accept themselves. And then that's like throws them and catapults them into actually matching the behaviors that they align themselves with. It's about respect.
whilst you're changing. And then just gotta watch for that black and whiteness, right? You've gotta watch for the, I didn't track one day, so I'm gonna write off the week, or I didn't go to the gym today, so I'm not gonna go the rest of the week. It's just the taking two steps forward and nine back, two steps forward, nine back. You're just not gonna get anywhere. They're just thoughts, words that you put in your head.
Didi (05:45.14)
And honestly, here's the truth, because you can desire change without disrespecting yourself. You can pursue a body goal by also being compassionate to yourself. You might have moments where you have an echo of your past because your body stores visceral memories, right? It's very intuitive. Your nervous system might be triggered by previous thoughts or memories of foods, ingredients and patterns, right?
things may reminisce or speak or whisper from your past of disordered eating or time in your life when things just probably weren't quite healthy for you mentally or physically. We've all been there. We've all been through as a generation of women carrying that baton of being shown things, taught things, believed things about food in our bodies that weren't meant to be true and that aren't true. But embracing yourself.
and understanding that you can do both. And I think it's really silly that we sell that as a black and white aspect. Well, you can't use fat with a terrible body image because the truth is you can improve both, right? But what is the tone? What is the messaging? If you're just going to live within food rules and there's that ego talk of not doing enough, to be more, got to restrict harder. And then you're also trying to work on body acceptance.
You've got to realize how loud is one playlist versus the other, which song is singing louder. That probably is going to give you an indication of where you need to put a little bit more effort. So if you've been there, done that with the kind of restrictive eating past, yo-yo dieting, binge eating or overeating, you've kind of had your internal warfare, but you actually think you're in a healed space and you want to step into physique goals or performance goals and you're just kind of tiptoeing around that, I don't want to end up back there.
That's just a nervous system. That's your fear speaking. Because the only moment you have right now is literally right now. And suffering and struggle only exist in psychological time, which is the past or the future. So don't let your past affect your future. In psychology, CBT, past hurt informs future fear. So you can change. You can choose different ways to think about things, rewire your belief system. Sure, the older we get,
Didi (08:03.426)
the less neuroplasticity or malleability our brains have in terms of that. We all know that generations upon generations above us, it's hard the older we get, but doesn't mean it's impossible. And it's never too late. And to not step into something just because that's the way you've always been, that's just your ego talking. And the three containers of insecurity, inadequacy and fear don't ever let that prison.
depending on whether you're in all three or just one of them, hold you back from changing your lifestyle or achieving fully the dreams that you have for yourself, whether it's performance or physique, whatever it is, you just got to understand what is the tone of that voice. And you need a safe space and a coach that can handle those conversations and be there with you and hold your hand, not somebody who's a, you know, a bodybuilding coach that's going to go, we should grind harder, just restrict more, don't eat any fats.
Well, that's great because you're a female that's emotional and intuitive and you just want to grow science your way into it. No, that's not how it works. So you can have both. You can work on fat loss and body image at the same time. It just really depends on where you're at, which is the beauty of one-to-one coaching. So I know I've rambled for a little bit. I just wanted to click record because I think it's an important conversation I've had and a lot of clients come to me with histories and pasts.
where they're like, I don't know. I don't want to start tracking again because I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. What rabbit hole? The only moment you have right now is here speaking to me or listening to these words I'm speaking to you now. The past is just a memory. The future is just a fear response if it's causing you anxiety. So let's step into that. Let's embrace a clean slate. Let's not let your past dictate your future. Okay. I feel like that's enough of a TED talk for you, but...
Takeaway messages, you can do both. It just depends on how loud each container has been speaking to you and where you're at personally. So if you want some support or someone to hold your hand and to coach you through that, that can work on body composition and nutrition science alongside the psychology aspect of working on body image and how you view yourself, I'm always here to chat. You can send me an email at dd at coachedbydd.co.uk or just follow me on Instagram, DiddlesFrisd. I will see you all next time in the next episode.
Didi (10:30.904)
Hope you found use of this and an interesting perspective. Have a great day, bye.
